Rants and more rants.

Lifestyle - Moving Out

odihn — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:28:03 +0000

I know - I’ve written heaps already. I swear this will be the last entry for the night. I just had to write out this one because it’s certainly a pivotal occasion for me. As possibly insinuated by the title - I am soon to move out. In fact, I’m moving out this afternoon. A lot of things has happened in the interim between canvassing the idea of moving out and toward the brink of moving out. It’s been unsettling at times but for the most part, indeed very exciting.

Most of the people I know couldn’t believe that I was actually moving out. Maybe due to the fact that most of us have always contemplated the idea of moving out but we could not dare to actualise it. This was probably owing to the fact that we were either financially unstable to support ourselves or our parents wouldn’t allow it.

At twenty, I consider myself to be fairly young and it might be surprising for a select few to deem it reckless to move out. Like most, I’m fearful of moving out. I’m fearful of the uncertainty; fearful of the pressure involved. With all these said - I know I won’t regret it. I will love every moment of the independence they I profoundly seek.

It’s not even solely the independence that I avidly act in pursuit. It’s the agitation that’s been growing in my mind with returning to the same surroundings in the same house in the same location. You get the idea.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t turn out as expected. I can question my motives later.

Now for the most critical part - what will change? Well, I’ll be sharing a nice apartment of which I will be paying $800 a month for. That is definitely a lot of gravy. The great aspect about this place is that is close in proximity to the shopping precinct - about 3-5 minutes on foot I’d say. I’m going to enjoy that.

I can’t speak to as how my experience with moving out has been yet and it’s quite obviously why. There will be more to come soon.

PUA - The Amateur’s Philosophy - The Self-Managing Way

odihn — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:30:03 +0000

The way I see it is if you’re not ballsy enough to stroll through the setting or environment you’re currently in by yourself during the start of your game. You won’t learn much from it. There, I said it!

A game with a wingman is great. It’s sometimes actually needed for a given situation. That’s for you to contemplate. Could be many. Nonetheless, exposure by yourself is the best experience ever. It’s only through rejection and continual exposure to it that you can learn how to master the game. Whilst I ardently tell most of my mates that rejection is only a stigmatised attitude - that’s what it simply is. Having the edge is about not just overcoming rejection but embracing it. Fearing rejection undermines the direction of your game and no doubt, hinders your effective confidence in yourself and in your execution. Let go of it and enjoy the experience.

And if that doesn’t convince you to sometimes to go about it alone. Take a note of the benefits that come with choosing the nomad’s way, instead of your usual groupie/wingman way:

Playing the game by yourself gives you a logistical advantage. Simply put - being by yourself gives you the operational ability to scan where you want to head off to without confusion coming from your mate or whomever it may be. For more about logistics - visit Latinastyles’ page.

No one is scrutinising your game, except for you. That’s right. No one is watching you, assessing you, judging you or anything else you can add to that. If you get your mentality in the right place, you’re set. Besides, why should you care if people are judging you? When it comes to pulling off a solid game - no one else except you and the target(s) are of relevance. Remember that.

The experience from an independent game is invaluable. What did Aeschylus say again? Oh yeah, I remember now - “The reward of suffering is experience”. Okay, that quote sounds kinda exaggerated and might not be best suited but the horrible truth may be that you might not get any numbers or hook up with any girl at all. Wow, bummer. You know though? Good - only from experience will it set an impetus for you to reform your game mentality and to improve in it. Get rejected. Feel like total shit. Cry even (if that helps?). All of this will help you pave a better direction for your game. Through experience comes knowledge and obviously from knowledge, comes effectiveness.

Socially disarming or removing a cock-block by yourself exposes you to more challenging situations. There’s always bound to be that fucker cock-block who won’t let you get to your target - should that be logistically speaking or socially speaking. The more experience you garner with these persistent obstacles, the better you will be at defusing them. A wingman typically enforces your confidence in getting through these cock-blocks but the true artist asserts his strength through his own confidence, by himself.

The entire pick-up process is more personalised for the target. With a wingman or anyone else for that matter - you always have a safety net to fall back on. Depending on the target - in most cases - the attraction-building process is strengthened between you and the target. Speaking to the target by yourself reinforces that you are conveying sole interest in her and that no one is there to interrupt the both of you. Comfort-levels increase.

I could dabble on and on about the theoretical side of being alone and driving your own game but the only way you can make it work is to go and do it. I’m still going at it but it’s been a good learning curve for me.

So to end this - forget everything you know about rejection, embrace your abilities in a solitary position and feel the adrenaline that comes with working your game alone.

Friendships - Function/Class Segregation

odihn — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 07:59:52 +0000

After having a brief conversation with my ex-girlfriend I abruptly met at Uni today, I find myself pondering about how relationships and friendships can be so finite and volatile – if not, romantic relationships. In short, you can find yourself in a wonderful and mutual friendship one day and find yourself releasing yourself from the same friendship. It goes to show when it comes to relationships and friendships - similarly, it should be emphasised that however stable it may seem at the time, there is great unpredictability as to the survival worth of the union.

So far, upon introspection of the current nature of my friendships - I have begun to actually classified the basis of my friendship groups. It could be said that this in itself is ridiculous - it is as if I am categorising the friendships I have with others as a form of commodity - believing that each is represented by its quality, its value, its worth but really, is it that bad to classify friendships on the grounds of what their functions are? To me, it seems harmless.

This is the perception I have of friendships. There are fundamentally three classes of friends that I can somewhat define, as follows:

“Close” Friends
Those who fall into this category are characterised by:

their sense of empathy towards you;
possible common/shared interests;
understandability and reciprocity when it comes to emotions;
their good judgement;
strong sense of assistance when need be;
their reliability as a friend

Close friends are aware of what you want and though not always, typically have a mutual understanding with you. They will allow you to speak your mind, regardless of what it means and can be casual when you want to be.

These are the ones that do not falter in the friendship area or rarely do.

“Good” Friends
Those who fall into this category are characterised by:

their function as an occasion-individual, i.e., to occasionally go out with;
their extroversion;
their often superficial personality;
sometimes an ability to converse with and have sporadic enjoyable conversations with;

Good friends, in my view, are a personified commodity. These are the people you can turn to at the spur of the moment to go out with and enjoy yourself when there might be no other option. On a deeper level, they possibly don’t provide any form of other value or seldom do.

Ultimately, these friends are a tool of spontaneity, when required. They can sway in their subjectivity and objectivity and also in their personality and behavioural traits.

”Acquaintances”
Acquaintances are those who have no-to-little value to friendships. They are those who you suddenly meet on particular occasions, sometimes repetitively but either have no value in the formation of a friendship or have great potential as a friend.

“The Bottom Line”
A realisation has come to me when examining friendships. If you really want to enjoy life - and while individualism and enjoying yourself is an important area - know who your friends are. Know what their worth is in the attainment of what you want.

The fact of the matter is that largely those who have very little value in the plan of your life should be discarded. It’s as simple as that. You don’t need to associate with those who have nothing to do with what you want. And yes, the ‘give and take’ rule still applies, however, it only applies when you truly believe that the friendship under scrutiny is worth the effort.

It’s been – to some extent – universalised that it’s the quality of the friendship that you have. To some degree, I think this is definitely untrue. I agree that yes, friendships are only as good as the quality of it. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that more friendships is an adverse thing. It just means that we shouldn’t compromise one aspect for the other. Quality nor quantity of friendships takes precedence over each other.

The issue is about balancing the two elements. To nurture a relationship for the sole purpose of improvement takes time and effort. Conversely, to form numerous relationships for individual gain takes equivalently the same amount.

C’mon – in the end – it’s about you. If you want to have what you want, do it. Have consideration for your friends but know that ultimately, you should strive for yourself and your own emotonal welfare.

“Have no friends not equal to yourself.” - Confucious

Career Development - Overcoming Insecurity

odihn — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 16:19:29 +0000

My job has been under constant, yet discreet fire. Yes, I said it and while I sit here typing another superbly-written entry - I’m wondering whether I should be scrutinising sources for possibly another job. The real issue here is that I like my job. The work is easy and although it’s quite simple in nature, it maintains its sense of professional status since it’s a nice high-band job for someone who’s still studying and is only working part-time. That’s a portion of the dilemma I’m riding through at the moment. The other part is the fact that it’s an ongoing secondment/temporary position in which, of those who work on the same basis, know that there’s either an inevitability that it will sadly end or a small probability that it will become a permanent position. There is somewhat a disconcerting feeling about it, i.e., waiting for it to end or to become continuous - in short.

To add to this - we’re soon to be led by a new manager. To be specific: he’ll be commencing his position on the 15th September. Not only is there the problem of going through the whole process of creating a strong impression on the new manager but persisting so to ensuring that they somewhat prefer you as a recruitment candidate should the opportunity for permanency arise. O, fun times!

I’m so over this form of insecurity and fear of job term expiration. While the concern of the security of our jobs linger in our minds and continue to do so, one thing to consider is that we should always be prepared to overcome the ramifications of losing our job or in general, the unpredictability of our current jobs. The best methodology to battle the questionability and insecurity of our jobs is through great organisation of our own work interests. A few points to consider when the ‘end’ (so gloomy-sounding!) of our jobs draws imminently closer:

Find out the precise date of the term expiration of your job - how else will you know when and how to prepare when you’re out of there?;
Keep performing well for the remainder of the job term - you never know if your leader/manager will extend your contract or not so keep at it and be open about it;
Start looking for new jobs - c’mon! this is the most common step in reacting to possible job loss;
Ask your manager about the status of your employment contract and any likelihood if it will be assessed or be extended - most people will claim that this can be perceived as compulsive and over-eager but realistically, employees have the right to ask so don’t be afraid to enforce your right; and lastly,
Be optimistic! (there is really no end to a job; only new beginnings to better opportunities and better jobs.)

For myself, I’ve been doing fairly well with the job I’m working and quite evident through the repetitive extension of my secondment. So far, the secondment of mine has been extended twice. For now, it’s due to approximately expire at the end of November. Definitely still a while until the secondment dissolves.

Occasionally temporary positions are usually backed up by the original position that the employee transitioned from. If so, at least if your contract has expired - you’ll still have a job to fall back on. Maybe one that you formerly didn’t enjoy but certainly better than no job at all. Consider whether your mind can reconcile relapsing into your older position in which I assume you were trying to get away in the first place.

I’ve mentally planned out what I’m going to do before the term expiry of my secondment. I do have a past job ascertained if this secondment should fizzle out but honestly, without getting into detail about it - I really don’t want to return to it. Ergo, here is a rough plan of what I’m preparing to do in the meantime:

Apply for new part-time jobs internally that match or are above the wages of my current role;
Apply for new part-time jobs outside the company match or above the wages of my current role;
Seek summer vacation work at numerous accounting firms;
Refine my interview-handling skills (it’s been a while.. bah);

That’s it for the moment. I’m experiencing a bout of concentration burnout now.

And remember, kids:

Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity - Henry Hartman

PUA - The Amateur’s Philosophy - The Digits

odihn — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:49:32 +0000

Okay. I thought that purely the recount of my field experiences wouldn’t suffice as to how much knowledge could come from reading my previous posts. Ergo, a whole separate categorisation on what there is to gain from these certain personal experiences. And I guess to document for future reference how I may improve from particular occasions.

Be mindful that I am no professional PUA or if you can even be coined or regarded as that. So, take my considerations and statements lightly. Otherwise, analyse as you see fit. Whatever suits you.

I have no fucking idea how I’m going to set this out and no way do I want to format this into some sort of report. I don’t have time for that.

The Digits

When about to close and attempting to obtain the target’s phone number..

Do not ask for her phone number - command for her number (it fortifies your sense of confidence in yourself and in your abilities);
If possible, prank her phone to ensure legitimacy;
Outline the purpose prior to obtaining the phone number and thereafter, highlight that you will call her (instills a sense of commitment and respect);
Be arrogant and witty with your closure when it comes to the phone number.

Again, every girl differs and thus, every situation will always differ. These are very general and broad guidelines to the basic considerations in obtaining a target’s number. They stem from mistakes and successes that I’ve encountered so it’s nowhere near the gospel or a formal manual to how to pick up. Don’t reprimand me if they don’t get you what you want.

Woooo!

PUA - The Amateur’s Game (3)

odihn — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:57:27 +0000

I’m going to take this opportuntity to apologise if anyone has been awaiting for the next instalment in how I’ve been fairing in this game of mine. Procrastination is so tempting and I fall victim to it over and over again.

Right. Now that that’s out of the way. Let’s get onto real business, i.e., more stories of heart-wrenching or possibly positive stories about my PUA experience. The amateur game continues but it’s definitely improving.

I’ll point out beforehand that this pick-up occasion was provoked by a cigarette-scab cue. If that makes sense.

Setting was simple - on the street. Girl is about a HB7 (Hot Babe 7/10). She’s by herself and smoking. I ask for a cigarette and the following conversation ensues:

Me - “I don’t usually scab at the beginning of the night but hey, gotta do what you gotta do.”

She laughs.

Her - “Oh really now. I totally agree.”

We continue to smoke and the conversation is fucking extensive so I’ll only annotate what I can remember that is of significance. Overall, a great conversation/starter. No canned material; all natural and situational improvisation.

The conversation continues to the point where we start describing what we both are smoking.

Her - “Well, these aren’t menthols so they’re good.”

Me - “Oh don’t worry - if they were menthols I would have given them back to you. You did well by telling me though. Good work.”

We both laughed.

Shortly after, her friend arrives of which I remember as an acquintance. We re-introduce ourselves. Chuckle a bit and keep conversing between the three of us. The conversation is a bit blurry, however, it relates to a playful nature of how I’m deliberately trying to act like an amateur in picking up the target.

Her friend - “Oh my god - you didn’t even get her name?!”

Me - “Hold on! I’m supposed to get her name? Aren’t I supposed to simply jump in and use a disgusting pick up line?”

We all laughed.

Me - “Like ‘Hey - I lost my mobile number, can I have yours?’”

I intentionally stare at the target in a goofy manner. It does the trick and we all laughed again.

Me - “It’s working. Isn’t it?”

Her - “Totally!”

Moments after - I depart to allow the conversation and the impression to sink in. The night was still young and too early for a pick up. I walked into the bar first and kicked a few drinks with my mates.

Later in the night (in which me and the target actually stood at the bar for probably the entirety of the night - talking and being playful), we found each other at the bar. Now in between intervals of drinking rounds, I can recall some snippets of the conversation we had. Trying to make it as precise as possible:

Me - “Tell you what. Instead of rambling on, getting to know each other and bullshit small talk. And also getting to know you and finding out what you do - we’re gonna play a game instead. Think you can handle it?”

Her - “Haha. Of course.”

Me - “Sweet. Let’s do this. Simple alright? I’m going to buy a drink and you need to guess what it is. You guess it right - you get the drink and we play a final game.”

Her - “Sounds good.”

Me - “Turn around and don’t look around. No cheating!”

The one thing I liked about this was that it built a friendly atmosphere and didn’t convey any increasing sense that I was hitting on her. She guessed the drink correctly. haha

Cut to the chase - I went for the number later in the night. We had another drink and continue to converse. She brought up the fact that I was learning well how to pick up. Again, I put on the amateur persona for fun.

Her - “Ah, my friend taught you well how to pick up.”

Me - “What makes you think I’m trying to pick you up?”

Both of us - “OOO Shieeeeeeet!”

Laughter ensued.

In the end, I got her number with ease. Honestly, I was disappointed with my closing:

Me - “I’m gonna take you out next time. Give me your number.”

Her - “Alright, sure.”

Her - “Prank me as well”

Got the number. Closed it off and walked off into the darkness of the crowd.

Overall, I was happy with my game for the night. There was comfort developed between the both of us. I could have definitely escalated it and concluded with a KB (kiss-close) but I really didn’t come there to make or whatever with any girl. More the pursuit of the gaming experience, than the physicality that I wanted.

Slightly disappointed with my closing but still impressed that I’ve transitioned from asking for a number to instructing for a number. Whilst it seems quite insignificant, it’s a focal mark for me.

The vibe was playful and friendly. Next time, I’m going to put more emphasis on being more more playful-cocky.

PUA - The Amateur’s Game (2)

odihn — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:24:02 +0000

Looks like I’ve got more dirt on how my PUA’s game has been progressing along. Tell you what though? It’s hell of a tough journey. It isn’t merely a straight-forward linear process of social improvement. It’s much more than that. If it were like that - I’d be engulfed in women. That would be too easy.

So onto the next experiences. Last Satuday, a workmate invited me to come to his friend’s 21st birthday. Gladly, I went. More opportunities mean more experiences.

We arrived at Velour Bar on Flinders Lane. Once we walked in, we were instantly in awe. Not only guys to girls ratio good (meaning that the girls outnumbered the guys) but the quality of the girls there were, on an average, good as well. Yes, I make it sound like girls are some form of commodity. I can’t be fucked being politically correct at the moment.

One thing I should note is that my workmate is less of a socialite than I am. He is timid, uncreative and somewhat has no experience in the social field. Another thing to add is that he certainly is aware of my social ventures and somewhat regards me as a master. This is particularly dubious because no one can be a master in the social scene. A guy can be adapative but never a master.

So, we went off to the bar, caught a few drinks and observed the talent thereafter. Whilst on my lookabout, I was first to spot two girls sitting down quietly mumbling to each other. These two stood out from the crowd as they were Asian (as I am) from the chiefly Caucasian crowd. At one point, they walked out and I presumed correctly that it was for the purpose of smoking outside. Perfect cue for us to speak to them outside from the gradually-ascending noise evident in the bar.

We took haste and walked outside. Aside from the adverse health effects of smoking - smoking provides great cues for starting a conversation. Chain-smoking, asking for a cigarette and among other openings are ideal for starting conversations outside. I don’t tend to get into the habit since smoking, is by the way, bad for you.

I took the approach towards them and if I can remember, this is the approximate opening I used:

Me - “Hey, this is going to sound so Asian but you reckon we can scab a smoke off you?”

First girl laughs.

First girl - “Sure”

The wheels start turning at this point. The conversation was great with the two girls. It was fluid, playful and most of all, very casual. I did most of the talking with the girls whilst my workmate had minimal input.

The target girl I was after seem to compliment me quite a bit for the whole night. I was wearing a slim polka-dot tie, slim-tabbed shirt, beige long trench coat and a black vest with black skinny jeans on. Make of it what you will. haha

One significant excerpts of the conversation which stood out was my sense of playful arrogance. I’m not usually the cocky, arrogant type but if it’s in a playful, comical manner - I don’t mind it.

Me - “You reckon I’m too dressed for tonight?”

Target girl - “Oh nah, you look really good.”

Me - “Yeah, I know that!”

We both laughed.

Look, it sounds awfully strange that I’m glad with this but when you’re a new starter or your changing your grounded mentality when it comes to the social scene - any changes you can recall in your behaviour and personality evokes a sense of satisfaction from it. That, after all, is the goal of self-improvement.

Another thing I learnt from this occasion is how your attitude plays a major role in determining how you intereact with girls. The worst thing you could do is display desperation. It demeans your self-esteem and it lowers your attraction value towards the girl. I was happy to say that I acted with pride during this occasion.

However, I wasn’t able to get her number. Everything went well except for the fact that I used the 5-question game on her and … she knew what the game was and had had experience with it being used on her.

When it all comes to interactions with girls - there has to be a balance between interest and disinterest. I’m sure this is one of the merits of the push/pull system. You show that you are interested in a particular girl but continuously push her away and pull her back through the attraction process. Of course, that does not mean you should heavily denounce a girl; it’s all about doing this with an air of playfulness and coy. You’re not out there to hurt a girl.

Here’s a few more snippets of the conversation I can remember with her.

We are talking about each other. Finding out what nationality we are.

Me - “Chinese?”

Her - “Haha, nope.”

Me - “Japanese?”

Her - “Nope!”

Me - “Wow. This is taking too long for me. I think I might go now.”

I pretend to usher myself out of the conversation and fall back. We laugh.

I attempt to try another chance with getting her number. See how it unfolds:

Me - “Here, put in your number and I’ll call you sometime.”

Her - “I don’t give out my number easily. We’ll definitely bump into each other some time.”

Me - “Nah, that might be never.” (Bite me! But I loved that I said this. It’s portrays that sense of objection and slight disinterest.”

Her - “I’m sure we will.”

Me - “That’s too bad. I have to boot to another party now but I was great talking to you. Have a good night.”

We hugged and I departed the scene.

The conversation for the whole night with the two girls was amazing. It wasn’t awkward or disjointed. At one point her friend prompted her to get my number. Shockingly, I was put on the spot by this and this could’ve been a potential pick up. As for the demographics, she noted that she was 26 years old. I lied about my age, claimining I was 23 years old (Ironically, when she made a first guess of my age - she guessed correctly that I was 20 years old!).

Regardless of the age factor, I entirely satisfied with the night. Each experience provides you with a new perspective and different avenues to use in the social setting. It’s about adapting and adjusting to the social conditions and situational factors. And that’s what I had going on for me on this occasion.

Stayed tuned for more. I’ll have plenty more in the coming weeks!

PUA - The Amateur’s Game

odihn — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 06:11:21 +0000

Be prepared for this post to be a little different from what I usually write about. Well, first off I’m guessing you’re wondering what is a PUA. Let’s clear that up now - a PUA = Pick Up Artist.

Yes, I’ve taken on board an entirely new perspective to the chase process when going out and meeting girls. It’s been ecstatic, so much so that it’s been riveting. I actually recommend that you take some time to search or google or whatever - what the game of the pick up artist is all about. At first, I thought the conceptualisation of picking up was horrible and in a sense, very sad. I assumed it meant using poorly constructed pickup lines to do the trick. However, objective as I am usually haha - I managed to do my research on this subject and discovered much more than the surface of it.

There’s definitely more to the art of picking up. The whole notion of ‘picking up’ is perceived and typified as this bleak and certainly embarrassing methodology of - dare I say - scoring with women. That was the biggest setback for me since I derived from picking up women as an utter framework of using canned material and superfluously predetermined pickup lines. What I can tell during my short tenure in this venture of mine - this is obviously a bad way of how one is to go about picking up women. There is an effective way of introducing yourself and picking up women and there is the bad way, which is commonly through bad jokes and cliches.

The whole premise of picking up doesn’t lie in the facet of appearance or your natural looks. Looks help. Cleaning up your appearance helps. However, this isn’t mandatory to attract women. From the unofficial literature I’ve been reading on - the seduction of the process of the pickup revolves around two interrelated areas, i.e., value and attraction.

Now, the value component is probably more important I’m guessing. At the inception of meeting a woman or during interaction, the male exhibits value towards the female. This could be the value of friendship, the value of companionship, the value of anything that might presents the female or the target with a glimpse of what they can expect. If a girl doesn’t find anything of value in the guy approaching her, it’s plain to see that she won’t break upon his advances. Obviously, each girl finds higher or lower value differently from each other so all I’ll say for now is that interests will play a major role in determining value sought by a woman.

Attraction, on the other hand, concerns a wide range of factors that cause individuals to draw each other in and stimulate interest and admiration. This is formed from a combination of physical attractiveness, shared interests, behavioural patterns, conversational skills etc. Factors that stem from interactions.

Enough of theory for now. A week or two ago I went out to my mate’s 21st birthday. I like smart dress - well, I felt like dressing a little more formally on that night than other nights. My attire consisted of skinny black jeans, slim-fit white tabbed shirt, slim grey tie topped off with a black trench coat. Why is this important? It is because my personal rule is that for one to feel good, they must at least try to look good. We live in a superficial, materialistic society and hence, girls are definitely influenced by how a male looks and appears to them. Isn’t that true, though? Same applies with men too. Any man will prefer a well-dressed girl than an under-dressed girl.

The first few hours at my mate’s house were pretty uneventful. People talking to other people that they know. People getting plastered as fuck. A typical social night. Moving on now.

I ended up at QBH. It was an Asian nightclub event for that Saturday. After waiting in the cold for roughly 10-15 minutes, I eventually walked in. Inside, the usual occurred – met with some mates, consumed some more alcohol and strolled about searching for any talent. This is where it began for me. I had always been a casual clubber; going whenever I can. But there wasn’t really any goal in mind or more specifically, any goal to meet girls whenever at a club venue. In the past, it never really occurred as something that I would consider as something I’d endeavour to do. Before I delve into what the night consisted of, I will point out that I had been reading a bit about how the game works. I’ll call the ‘pickup’ as the ‘game’ from time to time. Hopefully, that isn’t confusing. One significant advice that I recall was that it isn’t about overcoming rejection but embracing rejection. I guess you can say the two are relatively synonymous but embracing rejection implies that we don’t push ourselves to eliminate rejection or forget about it but more so that understand that if it occurs, it is a further step in one’s learning and development. That’s how I see it.

So back to the story. Overall, the night was great. There was much to learn about myself and the logistics of the pickup in a nightclub environment. In short, I was unsuccessful in two pickups and the very last pickup was a success. Now for the time being, I’m deeming a pickup as either receipt of a girl’s phone number or a spontaneous moment of kissing/pashing.

First Occasion:

There is a girl leaning against the wall of the main dance area. I assume she is half Asian/Caucasian. She stands next to an average-height Asian male. I walk slowly and stand beside her watching the scene. The conversation below follows:

Me – “Hey. It’s me, John.”

Her – “.. what?”

Me – “It’s John, remember?”

Her – “Sorry..”

Me – “Nah, just kidding. How ya doing?”

I draw out my hand for a handshake.

She shakes my hand and smiles.

Her – “Good.”

Me – “What’s your name?”

She provides me her name. I can’t remember it. Lol

Me (in a joking manner) – “Wow, you certainly look Asian.”

I look around indicating the predominantly Asian crowd.

She laughs.

Her – “Yeah, I’m totally Asian.”

Me – “You look pretty lonely. You here by yourself?” (Ack! So clichéd)

Her – “Nope.”

She points to her male friend.

Me – “You with him?”

Her – “Yep.”

Me – “Well, nice meeting you.” Haha

I have to admit this was probably a really bad attempt to hit on a girl. Quite disappointed actually. But that’s what comes with a new kid to the game. She had a boyfriend and there definitely was a way of getting around that.

Second occasion:

I walk through a circle of people who are watching people brave enough to dance in the circle. I stagger as I almost trip over some girl’s leg. She smiles and is sympathetic. I walk off and smile back but at the same time, mischievously point back at her. I walk off a bit further and return to her. Before actually returning to her location, I see a guy close to her. This is the cockblock. I try to build rapport with him by acting silly through dance. The following conversation ensues:

Me – “You really hate me, don’t you?”

Her – “Haha. I didn’t mean it!”

Me – “Oh sure. Got something against me, huh?”

Her – “No!”

Me – “I’ll forgive you this time. What’s your name, anyway?”

She provides me her name. I don’t remember this girl’s name either.

Me – “You single?”

She points to the cockblock from before and says – “He’s my husband.”

Me – “Oh, that’s a shame then. Nice talking to you.”

Me - “I’m sorry I came up and spoke to you. Actually, I’m not.”

haha

I thought this went better than the preceding occasion. I had a cue to return and the conversation went on more smoothly.

Third occasion:

I walk around and notice two girls standing by themselves, talking. I approach one of the girls and the following conversation starts:

Me – “Hey, can I borrow you for just two seconds? Just two seconds.”

She agrees as I pull her away.

Me – “Look. I’m not going to even try to hit on you and just get you to dance.”

I pull her away and we start dancing. She kinda sucked at dancing.. her hands were very feeble.

We start the small talk, finding out more about each other.

Eventually, I move in and slowly lean close to her and we start pashing.

And that’s it. Personally, I was pleased with the events of the night. The fact of the matter is that confidence takes precedence in how to approach a girl. With it, you feel a sense of invincibility. It sounds corny but really, that’s the vibe of it.

I will endeavour to share more once as I progress more.

Facades = Success

odihn — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 12:24:51 +0000

Hello and hello.

Something that I’ve picked up from travelling to and from home to work via public transport is the repression of emotions on each vehicle of transport–whether it be a tram, train or a bus. All entail a bleak atmosphere. Faces of people who paint an expression of ignorance and apathy to avoid others on the train or whatever.

That said, I want to touch upon how and why the detachment of emotions and the facade of expressions realistically work. I will emphasise here and now that this is all in the depth of theory and whilst I publish this; it pains me that I’m unable to corroborate it. I really mean it. What’s a statement without objective evidence. Bah.

This is a philosophy that I wholly believe in and although, many will claim that the act of pretense or feigning certain emotions is inherently immoral and self-contradictory - it really isn’t. It might be unnoticeable since it is of a manner that we enact ourselves during the course of each day but it certainly isn’t wrong. In fact, the general notion of self-improvement is realistically the conditioning of these emotions feigned. Without drilling too much into the topic of self-improvement, the art is about self-analysis and rebuilding yourself into another person. Essentially, this involves an adjustment in behaviour or personality. So, by logic, the mere change in traits implicitly relates to the refinement of emotions. Consequently, the permanency of this is noted as a result of an self-improving effort.

Take, for example, someone with confidence issues. He/she tries to express themselves in a way that dispels their lack of confidence. That person is essentially and initially pretending to be or seem like another person with the traits that are contrary to what they considered as a flaw in their own character. Whether it proves to accomplish in the long-term or is fallible in itself isn’t the point. The point is that pretense is the starting point of becoming and forming who we want to realise. It then becomes an enigma as to constitutes a pretentious construct of character and the ethical considerations of this.

This hide of character is commonly seen with the majority of retail workers. And isn’t this true?

It’s what they’re paid to do. The chirpy, lovely girl behind the counter is coerced to present themselves in a manner that evokes similar emotions from potential customers. And isn’t that true too?

The only way to survive in the world is to either forget the social constraints that are apparent in our world. It doesn’t feel natural to do so but how would we survive in such conditions without learning to adapt?

It’s horrible to think that as humans, we can’t act naturally as we would like to. Of course, there’s reason to say why do we need to heed and live by social norms and collective expectations of society? It’s because that’s how it realistically works. There’s even more reason to ask: if it all depends on the goal and desires of one person and how they live - why does a person need to consider social requirements? That might be a difficult one to answer. However, this is how I see it - if one has desires and needs, whether it be material (superficial) or abstract (emotive) - there has to be one of those desires and needs that regards the interaction with people as a necessity to fulfill those goals. If so, the goal of interaction with people is mainly based on how effective an individual is with their presentation and demeanour towards that speciail other person. That presentation can be changed by the facade we want to display to obtain whatever response we’re looking for. Yeah, I’m really complicating it.

I can’t speak as to how many people have legitimate desires that involve the connection and interaction with people but if you’re a normal person, I would have to believe that some component of that desire requires the presence or mutuality of other people.

“Be yourself“ has become so redundant to me. There’s two simple choices to make - stay and be yourself or adapt to how other people behave. And being yourself isn’t really as simple as people think. Those who disregard others around them to behave the way they wish have a disjointed and disconnected social awareness. However, those who adapt themselves to how other people behave are only fooling themselves with what they innately are.

I really feel that there’s no gray area in that respect. Draw the line between having a social awareness or not having a social awareness. How easy it is to hypothesise, yet how difficult it can be for those who have grounded themselves with what they are and want to change. Ah, fun times.

Children - Socially Free and Untroubled

odihn — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 10:41:59 +0000

I need to admit that I am not one of your typical zealous, pragmatic person who ponders about our future and how it is evolving and the imminent consequences that well befall all those who exist. It’s unclear why I haven’t taken the chance to recognise how drastically our world has turned. When you think about it - nothing’s really working for us. You name it - environmental issues that will inevitably ravage our globe, countries enhancing their nuclear arsenals, terrorism floating around and modern consumerism gradually and remarkably crippling and isolating our society. It feels dire and it feels that there’s a looming sense of closure that awaits us. No intention of making you feel like shit! Hah.

However, not withstanding all of what I’ve said, there are things to be so grateful for. One, of course, is the essence of new life and the beauty of human development. It kind of took me surprise - this sentiment. More specifically, the great opportunity and capacity of children. Even through the observant watching of their development, it’s startling to see how they socially and emotionally grow. This is very deviant from what I wrote in the beginning but I just wanted to make the point that irrespective of the shit that appears to be occurring throughout the course of our lives - we can be grateful of the simple distractions that we encounter.

Recently - on a relatively cold and bleak night after a long day of work, I stood patiently waiting for the bus to arrive. I usually don’t pay much attention to what’s happening around me when I’m flat-out tired and just have only the goal of getting home and dropping dead. Something on this occasion hit me though. Whilst just plainly standing there, I was startled by a child with his mother stand close to the window adjacent to where I was quietly standing. Sorry, I don’t mean to say that I automatically startled when I see a child and their mother! What came next somewhat startled me by the naivete and carefree nature of it. The child began moving and crouching around the window sill and frame and touching the window as if it was the first time he had seen one. He was oblivious to the fact that I was there or even the presence of his mother. What I want to note is the simplicity of it - how this child isn’t afraid of exploring and finding out what is .. what it is.

However juvenile children can appear; they have the utmost freedom to do - while most of their actions are underdeveloped and unconscious/subconscious - whatever they like. On the other hand, adults are knowing of the consequences of the actions; children are not. They are uncontrolled by their social surroundings and social norms that are established at that moment or any moment for that matter. This is why children in themselves hold the largest potential for our future. Although in many of their first years, they have almost no social awareness - psychology literature strongly acknowledges that it is in their later years that the maturation of their general awareness and intellect is built upon the environment they are brought up in. For a person like me who has no psychological education, the merit of that is amazing for me. Because when I look at my nephew, I don’t simply see a child who is overtly just running around, messing about, being a kid; I see a child who is progressing into a world that will create him. We take for granted how fundamentally absorbent children are to the world and through their interactions of it. They eat up what the environment throws at them and this will subsequently formulate the basis of how they are developed. Just by virtue of that is stunning.

I was confounded by why this child stirred up this mental note. I think it’s because as an adult, we are too involved in the rapid nature of our routines that we forget even the smallest things that are happening around us. It’s strange. For all I know, I could’ve waited for the bus, arrived home and went to sleep.

Shortly after, the bus arrived and we treaded slowly onto the bus. I took my seat in the middle of the bus and pulled out my book to read. Momentarily, the mother and child took their seats as well. The kid was in fact in front of me. For a brief moment, I took a chance to look around and was met by the child’s face staring at me. At which he blurted out funny, incoherent phrases and abruptly ended it with laughter. I responded by laughing as well. Again, it just proves the point of how unafraid children are when communicating and interacting with the world. They are unsettled by the social flow of the environment and couldn’t care less what people thought or were doing. I think the beauty of being a child lies in that, or somewhere close to that.

I mentioned as well how children have the potential for refining our future and one video clearly re-iterates their potential for doing so. This is a talk by Ken Robinson at the TEDTalks Conference. He explains how schools are stunting the innate creativity that children possess or for that matter, those who attend schools.

He’s a genius and tops it off by his humour. I think his wit and versatility in his expression in the video says it all, and further reinforcing how creativity works.

I admire one of his well-spoken quotes, addressing the attitudes of children:

“Kids will take a chance. If they don’t know, they’ll have a go. Am I right? They’re not frightened of being wrong.”

And it’s true, huh? He also goes on to say that mistakes are so stigmatised that it’s become somewhat epidemic in the working class society. I know that this is supposedly how capitalism works through individualism and the goal to perfection and blah blah blah .. but the point raised is that children are not undermined by this. Their mistakes are flaunted in its absolute entirety and they just don’t care.

It’s magnificient how differentiated how children and adults will react to certain mistakes. Clearly, it is obviously that children don’t understand or recognise the full weight and bearing of their mistakes and thus, cannot perceive their mistakes but more clearly, the apathy that children exhibit strikes me as extraordinary, whilst adults (like us) flinchingly react through self-improvement and error-correction when particular mistakes are unravelled. Man, being a child was fun!

I want to end this by articulating the spontaneity of children in their actions, in their mistakes and in their interactions with us as human beings. Take a look or watch when children are scouting around and enjoying themselves. You will realise the value of such simplicity of a child doing something so profoundly unconventional or innocent. Whatever it is, you cannot but help end up laughing or enjoying the moment.